We, at frackingfreeireland.org are here to give you tips and helpful advice on how to maintain your relationship and to keep the excitement going.
We understand that relationships go through various phases and challenges. It is for this reason that we have explored different ways to manage every aspect of a romantic relationship that can help overcome the various phases. Join us as we dig deeper into these.
Why Do We Enter Into a Relationship?
We all want to be loved by that someone whom we consider as our perfect match. Sometimes, we find ourselves building our fantasies around that person whom we love with all our hearts.
At times, we search through highs and lows just find “the one”. Perhaps that’s the concept behind the various dating apps, chatline dating numbers and matchmaking websites that dominate the dating world nowadays.
We are so intent into finding someone to share our lives with. And when we finally do, we enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations about what true love should be; how our partner should treat us and how our story would unfold.
Yes, you and your partner are actually creating your story together. It’s not just you or not just your partner, but both of you right on the same page working on a beautiful page that’s bound to be a part of your love story. Sounds easy like a fairy tale?
It might seem that way during the early stages wherein all is made up of blue skies, flowers and butterflies. But you have to keep in mind that no love story is spared from troubles.
No love story is ever so perfect that everything is just as planned and as expected. Just as sure as the seasons change from summer into winter, there would be stumbling blocks ahead which you and your partner need to overcome together.
Soon, we realize that we were so consumed by our unrealistic expectations that we fail to recognize the fact that it can’t be sunny everyday.
Things are bound to get difficult at some point. And soon, what started out as a blissful relationship will stumble upon the realities of loving and living together.
Managing Conflicts in a Relationship
Men and women have different styles in building relationships. For instance, their manner of communication is usually very different as well as their means of facing problems. Even same sex couples have different ways of approaching things.
If you really love a person and you are certain that this person loves you just the same, there is no reason for you not to consider sharing life together.
Mutual love is already half the job. It encompasses acceptance of each other’s nature and the process of accepting each other’s differences.
The other half is more challenging because it’s how you face difficulties and trials together. It involves your individual capacity to hold on even when things get rough – not merely relying and drawing strength from each other but learning how to compensate for each other’s weaknesses and inadequacies.
When one party decides to give up during these trying times while the other is still holding on, the relationship weakens. And eventually, the love story ends; because it takes two people to complete a romantic happy ending.
Two people who are in a relationship are still two different people with their own set of principles and way of thinking. Therefore, learning how to compromise is the key to a successful relationship.
And on top of that, choosing to understand each other and learning how to view things from each other’s perspective can help in building a lifetime together.
The Most Common Problems in a Relationship
When you spend a lot of time with your partner, your relationship has a tendency to become monotonous or routine.
This is the point wherein things start to get overly comfortable, unexciting and yes, boring. You know your partner too well that there’s no more room for excitement. On the average, this usually happens on the second year of the relationship.
Couples that encounter sexual issues and lack of intimacy are the most problematic. Based on research, the “Enchantment Stages” usually lasts for a period of 6 to 8 months. It is during this stage that sexual desire for each other is as its peak.
When couples enter the “Comfortable Stage”, that’s when sexual problems start to unfold. At this point, men tend to look for other sources of pleasure from porn movies to calling the chatline numbers for phone sex all the way to sexual interest with other women.
Once the honeymoon phase is over, that’s when we’ll finally get to know our partners well. At this point, it seems that making an impression becomes less important.
We know each other too well – our worst mannerisms, imperfections and yes, bad habits. We may discover that our partner has drinking issues, dependency to some vices, bad temper, unusual spending habits and other practices which are hard to ignore and even harder to accept.
Dealing with our partner’s bad habits can be a major obstacle in our relationship.
Cheating is by far the most serious problem in a relationship which is both hard to tolerate and to accept. According to a survey conducted by The Washington Post, 78% of the men they have interviewed had cheated on their current partner.
Surprisingly, women respond to the same pressures. In a study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 68% of females (undergraduate recipients) also cheat.
Whether they cheat for sexual or emotional reasons remain unclear. This date goes to show that cheating is a primary issue among couples and it remains to be greatest challenge.
How to Achieve a Healthy Relationship
Have you ever loved someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?
If your answer is a sounding “yes”, you must be open to ways of loving and sharing. This means that you must do your part in meeting the needs of your partner while taking care of yourself in the process.
Moreover, be aware that being in a relationship means sharing your life with another person. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you should let your whole life revolve on that person.
Your partner is just a part of your life and not your whole life. That’s why it’s called “sharing”.
Therefore, don’t give yourself up for the comfort level of your partner. Instead, share a life together while preserving your individuality.
In this way, you can keep the excitement going by having a life outside your relationship. This leaves enough room for you and your partner to grow and to learn more from others and from the rest of the world.
And as a result, you are able to share more with each other. So, don’t impose limitations on yourself and your partner so you can both achieve your full potential in life.
Here are some basic principles on how to manage your relationship so you can build a happy and fulfilling life together;
Your relationship should make you feel whole
Keep reminding yourself that relationships are not about having another person complete you. It’s all about entering into the relationship as a whole person and then sharing a part of you with another.
True love can only happen if you love yourself. You cannot expect yourself to love another person if you are unable to love yourself first. Just the same, being loved by someone does not compensate for your lack of self-love.
Appreciate being alone
Love will not keep you from being alone. So appreciate your time alone and use this time wisely to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Spending some time on your own is healthy and will allow you to develop a sense of self-sufficiency.
See the beauty in the ordinary days
Right after the honeymoon stage, that’s when you’ll discover what reality is made of. You’ll start to discover more about your partner and everything else becomes just a routine.
What used to be special will turn into ordinary. Try to infuse some intimacy in your most ordinary days and you’ll learn to appreciate that everyday can still be special in your own way.
Don’t make unrealistic expectations
Let go of the fantasies you’ve built inside your head. Don’t rely on your romance and intimacy to fill a void. This can cause pressure in your relationship.
Instead, appreciate your partner the best way you can and practice self-love. Acknowledging the reality can spare you from a lot of disappointments and heartaches.
Draw the line between the facts and your feelings
What feelings get triggered whenever you face conflicts with your partner? Was there something from your past that influences how you react to certain things? Did your past relationship cause you trauma? Or, are you just being paranoid?
Stop feeding the monsters in your head and spare your partner the drama. Try to identify the facts from your feelings so you can see and understand your partner clearly. This can help you resolve conflicts faster.
Let go of the past and allow yourself to heal
It is not the responsibility of your partner to fill your emotional holes and the same goes for you. Nobody has the capacity to heal yourself but you alone.
Regardless of how supportive your partner is, it is unfair to let that person suffer from your sense of inadequacy. So, allow yourself to heal and to be whole again so you can give your partner the love that he/she deserves.